Love the ever green topic and forever relevant issue...........Today i got this opportunity to discuss this topic with two of my very good friends, one of them is married and the other one is not.I was amazed by the stark difference between the opinion of the two of them on the same issue despite being of the same gender(girls). No I definitely cannot tell you there names because if I'd tell you then I'd have to kill you, otherwise they will kill me......................
Now first i will tell you about the married one. Incidentally when i was talking to her, her husband was cooking for her coz today was her off from house work (i think most of the days are her off) any ways that's not the point. Point is her idea of love. So i asked her that i am curious as to what all should a guy must do to express his love and to make his girl happy and to show how much he cares and she told me that a guys should make his girl laugh say funny things nice things to her. Should take her out on lunch or dinner could be both, movies and show her places then the girl will know that he loves her and cares for her.
Second friend who is unmarried and as per official information have never been into a relationship(and i believe her for some very obvious reasons) again that's not the point. Point is her perception about love and relation ship according to her is nothing but a fake philosophy an hypothetical state of mind created to satisfy the need of intimacy of humans. No matter how intense the beginning is the followup is always be frustration, doubts, fights, differences, lack of interest in each other and finally ends up in indifference.
Now these two are the two very common perceptions about love and relation ship and they are not base less they are actually very close to reality actually these two are the two faces of most of the relationships most of them begins with fiery romance candle light dinner proceed to movi dates, dinners and lunches, funny talks and life seems like heaven unfortunately all this lasts for an year or in some cases couple of years and then when hormones subsidize and reality prevails taking each other for granted becomes common, comparison, work pressure, expectations. Then people start doubting each other dialogues like "you have changed" take place of "i love you" .
Now comes two questions why a relationship started with vows of "i will love you, protect you, take care of you, till death do us part" eventually turns in to "i will hit you, kick you, humiliate you, abuse you, till someone tear us apart". And how can we avoid it ?
Answer to the first question is very simple now a days we get into a relationship for many good reasons like financial security, emotional security, physical attraction and many more and at time for some very funny reasons like one of my good friend told me that he does not want to marry but he has to in order to prove his reproductive capabilities...........ya i know couldn't get more stupid than this. Any ways I was saying that we marry or get into a relation ships for many reasons but for the most important reason that is love. Now may people will say how to identify or define true love because every body have their own perception and definition of love. True I totally agree with them but there is one thing that remains constant and that is the nature of love over the centuries each and every love story be it of Gods or humans, kings or commoners they all had one thing in common willingness to give everything and ask for nothing in return, keeping love over self that is the kind of love that is termed as true love..................now wait a second i am not expecting any one to go that high and far because at the end of the day we live in 21st century and that level of love is a state of mind and few lucky enough can experience that level if they are ready to risk every thing in life for true love...................well that's not practical for a person following the trends of today's money driven consumer culture because in the era of changing trends there are no guarantees. So lets look at the situation from today's common man's point of view. So first of all i will say that practical love story is a two way street and one sided passions could result in unstable minds and lives, before convincing your self about your feelings for some one convince that person first before drowning into a dream world. So for a conventional true love both the persons should like each other at least from the beginning (not every body is lucky like shah rukh khan). And before asking that girl out on a date first ask your self that when that girl will be 10kg heavier and her complexion will get one tone darker and hairs will not be so shiny but her sense of humor her way of talking in short every thing remains the same other than her looks then will you take her out on a romantic date with the same passion or will avoid her. This question if asked honestly and answered honestly will instantly give you the correct state of your heart and this will work for girls as well but they will have to ask slightly different question because looks matters a little less to girls.
So when you two are sure about your liking of each other then proceed with the courtship and talk a lot and when i say talk i mean by actually speaking from your mouth and listening from ears and not by speaking from your eyes and listening from your heart(god only knows if that is even possible). Communicate as much as you can and discuss serious stuff, things that you think are important to you and then you will know the true level of compatibility. Here by compatibility I do not mean that you should have every thing in common, you might get bored at times or may be don't like certain topics but you have to see that how much that effects your feeling for that person are you able to take interest in her talks even when she is talking about something totally diferent from your interests or can you listen to something really stupid with your full attentions just because she is saying that. If you can say sorry to her even when its not your fault or you can handle her mood swings without getting irritated. Then my friend be assured you are in love.
Now first i will tell you about the married one. Incidentally when i was talking to her, her husband was cooking for her coz today was her off from house work (i think most of the days are her off) any ways that's not the point. Point is her idea of love. So i asked her that i am curious as to what all should a guy must do to express his love and to make his girl happy and to show how much he cares and she told me that a guys should make his girl laugh say funny things nice things to her. Should take her out on lunch or dinner could be both, movies and show her places then the girl will know that he loves her and cares for her.
Second friend who is unmarried and as per official information have never been into a relationship(and i believe her for some very obvious reasons) again that's not the point. Point is her perception about love and relation ship according to her is nothing but a fake philosophy an hypothetical state of mind created to satisfy the need of intimacy of humans. No matter how intense the beginning is the followup is always be frustration, doubts, fights, differences, lack of interest in each other and finally ends up in indifference.
Now these two are the two very common perceptions about love and relation ship and they are not base less they are actually very close to reality actually these two are the two faces of most of the relationships most of them begins with fiery romance candle light dinner proceed to movi dates, dinners and lunches, funny talks and life seems like heaven unfortunately all this lasts for an year or in some cases couple of years and then when hormones subsidize and reality prevails taking each other for granted becomes common, comparison, work pressure, expectations. Then people start doubting each other dialogues like "you have changed" take place of "i love you" .
Now comes two questions why a relationship started with vows of "i will love you, protect you, take care of you, till death do us part" eventually turns in to "i will hit you, kick you, humiliate you, abuse you, till someone tear us apart". And how can we avoid it ?
Answer to the first question is very simple now a days we get into a relationship for many good reasons like financial security, emotional security, physical attraction and many more and at time for some very funny reasons like one of my good friend told me that he does not want to marry but he has to in order to prove his reproductive capabilities...........ya i know couldn't get more stupid than this. Any ways I was saying that we marry or get into a relation ships for many reasons but for the most important reason that is love. Now may people will say how to identify or define true love because every body have their own perception and definition of love. True I totally agree with them but there is one thing that remains constant and that is the nature of love over the centuries each and every love story be it of Gods or humans, kings or commoners they all had one thing in common willingness to give everything and ask for nothing in return, keeping love over self that is the kind of love that is termed as true love..................now wait a second i am not expecting any one to go that high and far because at the end of the day we live in 21st century and that level of love is a state of mind and few lucky enough can experience that level if they are ready to risk every thing in life for true love...................well that's not practical for a person following the trends of today's money driven consumer culture because in the era of changing trends there are no guarantees. So lets look at the situation from today's common man's point of view. So first of all i will say that practical love story is a two way street and one sided passions could result in unstable minds and lives, before convincing your self about your feelings for some one convince that person first before drowning into a dream world. So for a conventional true love both the persons should like each other at least from the beginning (not every body is lucky like shah rukh khan). And before asking that girl out on a date first ask your self that when that girl will be 10kg heavier and her complexion will get one tone darker and hairs will not be so shiny but her sense of humor her way of talking in short every thing remains the same other than her looks then will you take her out on a romantic date with the same passion or will avoid her. This question if asked honestly and answered honestly will instantly give you the correct state of your heart and this will work for girls as well but they will have to ask slightly different question because looks matters a little less to girls.
So when you two are sure about your liking of each other then proceed with the courtship and talk a lot and when i say talk i mean by actually speaking from your mouth and listening from ears and not by speaking from your eyes and listening from your heart(god only knows if that is even possible). Communicate as much as you can and discuss serious stuff, things that you think are important to you and then you will know the true level of compatibility. Here by compatibility I do not mean that you should have every thing in common, you might get bored at times or may be don't like certain topics but you have to see that how much that effects your feeling for that person are you able to take interest in her talks even when she is talking about something totally diferent from your interests or can you listen to something really stupid with your full attentions just because she is saying that. If you can say sorry to her even when its not your fault or you can handle her mood swings without getting irritated. Then my friend be assured you are in love.
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